Jeff Foxworthy on School Employees

Jeff Foxworthy on School Employees

YOU might be a school employee if you believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick.

YOU might be a school employee if it is difficult to name your own child because there's no name you can come up with that doesn't bring high blood pressure as it is uttered.

YOU might be a school employee if you can tell it's a full moon or if it going to rain, snow, hail....anything!!! Without ever looking outside.

YOU might be a school employee if you believe, 'shallow gene pool' should have its own box on a report card.

YOU might be a school employee if you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, 'Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.'

YOU might be a school employee if when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.

YOU might be a school employee if you have no social life between August and June.

YOU might be a school employee if you laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the 'lounge.'

YOU might be a school employee if you can't imagine how the ACLU could think that covering your students chair with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be misunderstood by the public.

YOU might be a school employee if meeting a child's parent instantly answers this question, 'Why is this kid like this?'

YOU might be a school employee if you would choose a mammogram over a parent conference.

YOU might be a school employee if you think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and crayons...and desks and chairs for that matter!

YOU might be a school employee if you know how many days, minutes, and seconds are left in the school year!

Exposure Therapy

In counseling we called exposure to a phobia, "Exposure Therapy"; pretty creative name, huh? For those that know me well know that I don't like to throw parties. It is stressful for me because I worry if everyone is having a good time. Well, some of my classmates and I thought it would be fun to have a party to carve pumpkins, but we weren't sure where to have it. Since I have a fairly good size living room and hardwood floors I volunteered to have it at my house. I also decided that I was not going to worry whether or not people were having fun. That is their choice, right? So, we had about eleven people show up. Some of the guys in our cohort thought it was going to be a chick party. But those that came had fun. We carved pumpkins, ate good and fattening food, and played a game called "Blurt". And when it was all said and done it only took me about 30 minutes to clean up. I'm even contemplating having another party.

Keri and Chad busy performing surgery on their pumpkins

Talon's finished product

Jamie works on her "Swine Flu pumpkin victim"

This is my jack-o-lantern. My friend Katrina designed it on paper and I copied it. This is probably the best one I have ever done. Are you frightened? You should be. It's the Grim Reaper.

Process the process

For those that know me well, know that I tend over analyze things. So, being in grad school is like my over-analyzing is now on speed. I think it is the nature of any counseling graduate school. It is hard when you are listening to others concerns and lives not to analyze your own. Plus, our professors are big fans of analyzing. So, in one of my classes every week we evaluate our instructor; this is what she wants. Last week we had a midterm evaluation for this class. We were put in groups of 4 and then asked to do an evaluation of the class together. After we finished that a Doc student came in and asked us to "process the process of evaluating." Are you kidding me!!! I think AA really stands for Analyzer Anonymous.

School, Buhiking, and the Snow

Let's see...life of grad student equals reading, reading, and some more reading. I really haven't had to many assignments, but there has been lots of reading. I had my first test last week. It was a take home and we could use anything we wanted. So, we all went over to Stacey's house and had appetizers and booze while we took our test together. Well, some of us just had water on the rocks. I asked a Doc student if his classes were academically challenging and he laughed. So, my courses are not real intense but I am enjoying what I am learning. I am also enjoying attending the guest lecturers on campus.

Well, in August I had a huge blessing. I got a Graduate Assistantship working with Disability Support Services on campus. This means that my tuition is paid for and I get a monthly stipend. I wasn't planning on working this year but this job has been a great experience. I am required to work 18 hours and I have a case load of students with disability that need accommodations in the classroom. I really like my boss; she has given me a ton of opportunities to learn about different programs on campus.

Well, I knew the snow was coming so Owen and I got one more bike ride in the last weekend in September. We went to a place in Colorado called Bobcat Ridge and I think this is the hardest ride we have done yet. The uphill was pretty steep and rocky. Owen said we were "buhiking" because we had to hike our bikes uphill so much. At one point Owen was walking his bike down some rocks and he said, "I choose to live." It was hard uphill and it was hard downhill.

When we finally made it to the top, we weren't sure we would, the view was amazing.

Can you tell Owen is breathing hard?

A special picture taken for my special siblings.

Well, the snow came. On Saturday I ran the CSU Homecoming 5k. When I woke up Saturday morning to go to the race there were 8 inches of snow on top of my car. I wondered if the race had been canceled but I decided to go to CSU and see. Sure enough there were 2000 people ready to run in the freezing cold. I had two long sleeve shirts, a fleece, a hat, and my snowboard mittens to keep me warm. Even though it was cold I still had a good time.

I had an accident

Since this summer we have been told that if our seat is dry after seeing our first client for counseling we have been successful. On Thursday I had my first client and after they left I went to the drinking fountain and got my pants wet. Then I went to the observation room were my supervisor and three other grad students were and said, "Well, I didn't make it." My supervisor had this shocked look on his face until I started laughing. He later told me he really didn't know if I was being serious or funny! I just couldn't resist; it was hilarious.

Failure

In one of my classes we had a discussion about failure. I am just curious what your opinion is about this topic. What do you believe failure is?

Red Mountain Open Space

Well, I finally remembered to bring my camera when I went mountain biking. In the summer Owen and I went mountain biking at a new place called Soapstone. It was a pretty intense 20 miles bike ride. When we finally made it to the top we rode along the ridge and the view was amazing. Down below us we saw Red Mountain Open Space. Since it had rained the fields were green and they looked stunning next to the red rock. A couple weeks ago we decided to make our way back up to the ridge but by going through Red Mountain instead of Soapstone. So, after 4 miles in a wash full of sand, some pretty steep inclines, and a field full of cows we made it back to the ridge. For some reason Owen and I always chose the most difficult way up. This time Kim came with us on one of their horses. The view was still beautiful and we were still tired when we were done.

You can kind of get an idea of how pretty this looked in the summer with the green grass.

You can see the bike trail goes right through the cows. Owen and I stopped to wait for Kim and two cows came pretty close to us and were just staring. I was a bit nervous. I wish I had taken a picture of the two cows.

We finally made it to the top and had to take a breather. And some of us enjoyed a nice snack of grass.

This is were we had come from. The wash is down below.

Here comes Owen. At one point Owen tried to skid and spray me with dirt. Instead he stumbled off his bike and almost tackled me.

I may be smiling but my lungs are frowning.

You can see the trail below. This is the trail Owen and I took the first time we rode up to the ridge. This time we got to ride the trail down instead up. It was much easier.

So, up at the top is where we had come down from. The first time we rode up it and it was gruelling. At one point it was so steep my front tire kept popping up.

Kim and June make their way down.