Jeff Foxworthy on School Employees

Jeff Foxworthy on School Employees

YOU might be a school employee if you believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick.

YOU might be a school employee if it is difficult to name your own child because there's no name you can come up with that doesn't bring high blood pressure as it is uttered.

YOU might be a school employee if you can tell it's a full moon or if it going to rain, snow, hail....anything!!! Without ever looking outside.

YOU might be a school employee if you believe, 'shallow gene pool' should have its own box on a report card.

YOU might be a school employee if you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, 'Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.'

YOU might be a school employee if when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.

YOU might be a school employee if you have no social life between August and June.

YOU might be a school employee if you laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the 'lounge.'

YOU might be a school employee if you can't imagine how the ACLU could think that covering your students chair with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be misunderstood by the public.

YOU might be a school employee if meeting a child's parent instantly answers this question, 'Why is this kid like this?'

YOU might be a school employee if you would choose a mammogram over a parent conference.

YOU might be a school employee if you think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and crayons...and desks and chairs for that matter!

YOU might be a school employee if you know how many days, minutes, and seconds are left in the school year!

Exposure Therapy

In counseling we called exposure to a phobia, "Exposure Therapy"; pretty creative name, huh? For those that know me well know that I don't like to throw parties. It is stressful for me because I worry if everyone is having a good time. Well, some of my classmates and I thought it would be fun to have a party to carve pumpkins, but we weren't sure where to have it. Since I have a fairly good size living room and hardwood floors I volunteered to have it at my house. I also decided that I was not going to worry whether or not people were having fun. That is their choice, right? So, we had about eleven people show up. Some of the guys in our cohort thought it was going to be a chick party. But those that came had fun. We carved pumpkins, ate good and fattening food, and played a game called "Blurt". And when it was all said and done it only took me about 30 minutes to clean up. I'm even contemplating having another party.

Keri and Chad busy performing surgery on their pumpkins

Talon's finished product

Jamie works on her "Swine Flu pumpkin victim"

This is my jack-o-lantern. My friend Katrina designed it on paper and I copied it. This is probably the best one I have ever done. Are you frightened? You should be. It's the Grim Reaper.

Process the process

For those that know me well, know that I tend over analyze things. So, being in grad school is like my over-analyzing is now on speed. I think it is the nature of any counseling graduate school. It is hard when you are listening to others concerns and lives not to analyze your own. Plus, our professors are big fans of analyzing. So, in one of my classes every week we evaluate our instructor; this is what she wants. Last week we had a midterm evaluation for this class. We were put in groups of 4 and then asked to do an evaluation of the class together. After we finished that a Doc student came in and asked us to "process the process of evaluating." Are you kidding me!!! I think AA really stands for Analyzer Anonymous.

School, Buhiking, and the Snow

Let's see...life of grad student equals reading, reading, and some more reading. I really haven't had to many assignments, but there has been lots of reading. I had my first test last week. It was a take home and we could use anything we wanted. So, we all went over to Stacey's house and had appetizers and booze while we took our test together. Well, some of us just had water on the rocks. I asked a Doc student if his classes were academically challenging and he laughed. So, my courses are not real intense but I am enjoying what I am learning. I am also enjoying attending the guest lecturers on campus.

Well, in August I had a huge blessing. I got a Graduate Assistantship working with Disability Support Services on campus. This means that my tuition is paid for and I get a monthly stipend. I wasn't planning on working this year but this job has been a great experience. I am required to work 18 hours and I have a case load of students with disability that need accommodations in the classroom. I really like my boss; she has given me a ton of opportunities to learn about different programs on campus.

Well, I knew the snow was coming so Owen and I got one more bike ride in the last weekend in September. We went to a place in Colorado called Bobcat Ridge and I think this is the hardest ride we have done yet. The uphill was pretty steep and rocky. Owen said we were "buhiking" because we had to hike our bikes uphill so much. At one point Owen was walking his bike down some rocks and he said, "I choose to live." It was hard uphill and it was hard downhill.

When we finally made it to the top, we weren't sure we would, the view was amazing.

Can you tell Owen is breathing hard?

A special picture taken for my special siblings.

Well, the snow came. On Saturday I ran the CSU Homecoming 5k. When I woke up Saturday morning to go to the race there were 8 inches of snow on top of my car. I wondered if the race had been canceled but I decided to go to CSU and see. Sure enough there were 2000 people ready to run in the freezing cold. I had two long sleeve shirts, a fleece, a hat, and my snowboard mittens to keep me warm. Even though it was cold I still had a good time.

I had an accident

Since this summer we have been told that if our seat is dry after seeing our first client for counseling we have been successful. On Thursday I had my first client and after they left I went to the drinking fountain and got my pants wet. Then I went to the observation room were my supervisor and three other grad students were and said, "Well, I didn't make it." My supervisor had this shocked look on his face until I started laughing. He later told me he really didn't know if I was being serious or funny! I just couldn't resist; it was hilarious.

Failure

In one of my classes we had a discussion about failure. I am just curious what your opinion is about this topic. What do you believe failure is?

Red Mountain Open Space

Well, I finally remembered to bring my camera when I went mountain biking. In the summer Owen and I went mountain biking at a new place called Soapstone. It was a pretty intense 20 miles bike ride. When we finally made it to the top we rode along the ridge and the view was amazing. Down below us we saw Red Mountain Open Space. Since it had rained the fields were green and they looked stunning next to the red rock. A couple weeks ago we decided to make our way back up to the ridge but by going through Red Mountain instead of Soapstone. So, after 4 miles in a wash full of sand, some pretty steep inclines, and a field full of cows we made it back to the ridge. For some reason Owen and I always chose the most difficult way up. This time Kim came with us on one of their horses. The view was still beautiful and we were still tired when we were done.

You can kind of get an idea of how pretty this looked in the summer with the green grass.

You can see the bike trail goes right through the cows. Owen and I stopped to wait for Kim and two cows came pretty close to us and were just staring. I was a bit nervous. I wish I had taken a picture of the two cows.

We finally made it to the top and had to take a breather. And some of us enjoyed a nice snack of grass.

This is were we had come from. The wash is down below.

Here comes Owen. At one point Owen tried to skid and spray me with dirt. Instead he stumbled off his bike and almost tackled me.

I may be smiling but my lungs are frowning.

You can see the trail below. This is the trail Owen and I took the first time we rode up to the ridge. This time we got to ride the trail down instead up. It was much easier.

So, up at the top is where we had come down from. The first time we rode up it and it was gruelling. At one point it was so steep my front tire kept popping up.

Kim and June make their way down.

Is it a metoer shower? Is it an alien attack? Is it Snow?

No, it's HAIL. Last Saturday it came down fast and furious. The hail was bigger than marbles. Luckily neither my bike or car were damaged. This was my street afterwards.

Home of a Laramite

Well, I thought I should post pictures of my new home. As you can see the yard needs some TLC, so did the inside and after some intense cleaning I think it is pretty liveable. My bedroom is behind the overgrown bushes. My place is a 3 minute bike ride from school which is great. I love riding my bike every where. Other than grocery shopping at Wal-Mart I don't really use my car.

Here is the living room. My roommate's sister is getting married and they will have two flat screen TVs so she let us borrow one. Although, I have only watched a movie on there once. We also have a Wii but since it is not mind I don't feel comfortable using it without my roommate being there.

Well, since I have a queen size bed I got the bigger room. It is really big. I have two closets and plenty of space work on my Ninja skills.

Well, it is nothing fancy but is a lot nicer than what I lived in for my Undergrad!

Not to many Pictures of Snowbird

I didn't take to many pictures this year at Snowbird. Here is a mountain that is just northwest of the Iron Blossom were we stay. It was really beautiful up there. This is the first time I have spent time sitting by the pool reading. It actually took some self-discipline to just relax. I felt like I should be out doing something active all the time.

I went for a hike and saw this beautiful flower.

"Come on Opa, help us escape"

First Day of School

Well, I am once again a student. I had two classes today and they went well. I think the Doc students teaching them were more nervous than us. There is a lot of reading but the assignments don't seem to overwhelming, but ask me in a month and I may have a different opinion. So, since my sister posted a picture of my nephew, Adam, on his first day I thought I would post a picture of myself on my first day of school.

Swimming the English Channel

This summer I started swimming half a mile twice a week for exercise. I set a goal to swim a mile and my dad and I did! It wasn't as tiring as I had envisioned; I felt like I could of kept going. Only 20 miles more and I would of swam the distance of the English Channel.

Summer Fun

Well, I have been a bit of a lazy blogger this summer. In fact, I have been a bit lazy in a lot of areas of my life. So, to catch up any one that reads my blog I have filmed myself doing an interpretive dance of my summer. So, get the popcorn, get comfortable, and ready, set, ACTION.

Well, the interpretive dance didn't turn out so well so I will just write about my exciting life. School ended May 20. So, I am officially a retired school teacher without the retirement benefits. To start off my retirement I headed to Seattle and spent 12 days with my niece, Greta, and nephew, Evan. Occasionally, I would make time for their parents too. When I got back to Colorado/Wyoming I started working for my dad in his pediatric dentistry practice. I am...a professional scanner now. My dad's office is going paperless but before that happens I get the exciting and thrilling opportunity to scan the documents into the computer. It is monotonous but I am glad I have a job that gives me a little extra money.

Now, some of you may be wondering why I retired so young. No, I didn't not win the lottery or rob a bank. I started University of Wyoming Grad school on June 15. In the fall I will be going full time. So, this summer I was required to take 2 courses. The first was Ethics and the second one, which I am finishing up, is Theories of Counseling and Pyschodyanmics. I have really enjoy being the student instead of the teacher. My goal is to have my masters in the spring of 2011. I am also playing on a soccer team in Ft. Collins and so far we are 4-1. My brother, Owen, and I also found time to bike a 20 mile loop that was beautiful but a killer workout. Just like Lance Armstrong we are going to attempt it again. Maybe not 8 times but twice, which is quite an accomplishment for us. Then in two weeks I will be crossing the Zion Curtain and going to Snowbird for a family reunion. Overall, it has not been an exciting summer of fighting Ninja and traveling to various spots of the earth, but it has been a nice summer that has allowed me to relax in a different way.

My Colon cleansing adventure

About a month ago, I was saw an infomercial about a colon cleansing. The doctor selling the product claimed that we have waste throughout our bodies and that the colon cleanser would totally clean out your whole body. Even though I was interested in the product I was not interested in spending my money. Some of my aunts and uncles use "Isogenics" to help with their weight. A few years back my parents bought some of the product from my uncle. So, I thought I would investigate to see if my parents had any colon cleanser from Isogenics. Just my luck they had some bottles but the expiration date had expired. Since I am a Leonard and it was in a sealed bottle I thought I would try it anyway.

My sister thought I would have the runs if I tried it but I thought it would be worth it for a day because I was convinced that afterwards I would feel like a new woman. The directions said to mix 4oz with 80z of water and do this four times in a day. I chose the berry flavored cleanser to be the first to make it ways into my body. I opened the bottle and instantly caught a whiff of the stuff...I shiver just thinking about it. The liquid was a dark brown. I wasn't sure if this was because it had expired or this was it's normal color. My parents weren't home so I decided I would go for it and hope for the best (Alexis, you think I would learn).

I started to drink and thought this isn't so bad. I was half way done with the glass and took a pause in drinking and that's when it hit me...the after taste. Drive heaves followed. But I was determined to finish so I did and then made my way next to the toilet expecting to throw up. Once I got my gag reflex under control, I drank 32 oz of water. Rather than just stopping with one glass, I forced myself to complete the other three glasses throughout the day. It was torture. It was so disgusting. I decided that I was not going to do it another day even though the directions said to do it two days in a row. After four glasses of that #%*& I had had enough. And to top it all off I found out it was not a colon cleanser but a diuretic. Good thing it is Fast Sunday soon.

My family's response to my experiment.

• Water and apple juice will clean out your colon
• That is why we have fast Sunday
• Although they did not verbalize this I am sure they thought I was CRAZY
  

Graduating from Highland High School at the age of 84

On Sunday, May 17, my high school held graduation. Part of the ceremony was awarding Lupe Vigil, an 84 yr. WWII Vet, his honorary High School Diploma. Fox News was there and the story was broadcasted in New York and Spokane along with Colorado. It was really neat to witness this historic event for Lupe. Click on his name to see the news clip. LUPE

Wedgie = Extra Credit

At our last track meet one of my athletes was laying down in the grass. Like many boys, he had his pants down low and his underwear showing. After trying to convince a couple of girls, I finally got a boy to agree to my devious plan. I said "Robert, I will give you extra credit if you give James a Wedgie." Robert agreed, gave James a wedgie, and took off running. It was so funny.

Bathroom Talk

Unfortunately at school we do not have a staff bathroom. As a result, I often hear a lot of juicy info when I am using the restroom. Occasionally, I will add to the conversations that are going on between girls without revealing that it is me. Today, I decided to have a little fun with two girls. I d0n't know what they were talking about but in the middle of their conversation I blurted out, "Could you keep it down, I am trying to concentrate here." Silence. Then one girl said with a little bit of attitude, "If you need to concentrate in there you got problems." Silence. She then continued, "Who is in there anyway?" Much to my delight I answered, "Ms. Leonard." I love the shock and the change in attitude that occurs instantly. It was pretty funny.

I had another funny and shocking experience but this did not occur in the bathroom. My geography classes are designing McDonalds in either a Latin American or European c0untry. Part of the project is developing a new menu with 10 items that are named after either a person, place, or event that is significant to the country they are researching. One girl was quite frustrated with this process because she had typed in Google, "Famous People in Italy" and it kept bringing up the name, Christopher Columbus. Finally, she called me over and said, "I keep getting this name, Christopher Columbus, who is he?" Shock instantly spread to my face and I said, "Remember the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Marie. Columbus sailed and 'discovered' the new world, the Americas." Without any look of recognition she simply said, "Oh, okay." Wow, are you kidding me. I know she has been taught about Christopher Columbus but I wonder why she was unable to retain that information.

What needs are met when you are married? Physical!

In my health class I am teaching about mental and emotional health. Part of the curriculum is Maslow's Hierarchy. For those that don't know what this is, it is certain needs that every human must meet in order to have a good mental and emotional health. So, the first need is physiological needs; food, water, sleep, etc. Then there are safety needs followed by the need to belong. After that there is the need for recognition. Finally, there is the need to reach one's own potential or self actualization. I was giving my students some real life scenarios and they would then identify which need was being met. One scenario was marriage. The answer is the need to belong or love that is being met. However, when I asked what need was being met one young man said, "Physical". Everyone started laughing but him. He sat there and pondered what he had just said and then quickly added, "You guys have dirty minds." It was pretty funny.

In bed by 8:40 pm

What is there to do on a Friday night...well, for me it was going to bed at 8:40. This has been a crazy week for me. Due to the weather, we had to make up a track meet this week. So, we had a track meet Monday, Tuesday and Saturday. I am also in the middle of a huge geography project that by the time I finish will have required 12 after school hours. Thankfully, I am on the tail end of the project and track. So, by the time Friday rolled around I was pretty tired. I ate dinner at a school function, came home, and went to bed.

Then I was up at 6:30 am to get ready for another track meet and to run a 5k. Some students from my school organized a 5k to raise money to help the family of Destin Towse, who passed away in December, with the medical bills. There were about 40 people there including Destin's family. I had four track kids run it with me, then we quickly changed and went to join the rest of the team at the track meet. We only have two meets left and then state. I worked about 65hrs. this week. I know to those who are parents this is nothing but to me it was tiring.

Here are some pictures of some of my athletes.

L to R: Kayla (who really does have arms), Chance, Alee, Molley, and Sam

High Jumper, Nathan Stone. I am the ninja in the red fleece!

Track Team (One of the coaches, Scott, just won the master mile at the Drake Relays with a time of 4:25. He also won nationals in March in the 1600m and 800m. None of our kids can keep up with him. I believe he is 45 and is amazing!)

Thrower, Michael Keever. He is one of the smallest but also one of the best.

April has been one busy month for me. On April 10th, I flew to Utah for a friend, Sandra's, birthday. I also did something that weekend that I have never done before...drugs. Just kidding, I played Rock Band. I learned that playing the guitar, drums and singing are not a hidden talent that I just need to develop. In fact, some would probably ask me not to develop those talents at all. I wasn't very good but it was fun. I also got to have lunch with my two other friends Nikki and Joni.

L to R: Joni, Nikki, Sandra, me

Also in April, I had my first every school closure due to rain. Our superintendent actually closed school because the forecast was 1 to 2ft. of snow, but all we got was rain. It was a much needed break!

I only have 16 more days of school. It is amazing how fast it is going. I am not sure I mentioned in my blog about my plans for next year. In Feb., I was accepted into the University of Wyoming Counselor Education program. So, starting in June I will be working on my masters to become a guidance counselor. I decided to go full time in the fall so this is my last year of teaching. I am really looking forward to this new adventure.

Spring Cleaning

I am trying to get rid of stuff early for my move in August. I was going through a box and I came across the first board I broke in my Taekwondo class. Do you think it is stupid to hang on to something like this? The reality of it is that it is $10 pine wood from Home Depot. Should I keep it or place it to rest in my apartment dumpster?

An old fashion Sunday stroll

Today it was 74 degrees. There was little wind and the sun was shining. Today was also stake conference for me. Since I figured the parking lot would be full and I only live a mile away I decided to walk. As I was walking I thought, "why don't I do this every Sunday?" It was so nice and relaxing. It also made think about how "easy" our lives have become. I read a story from the last General Relief Society meeting about members of the church from Central America that spent five days traveling to Arizona to attend the Temple. Many of them made great sacrifices to attend. During a talk today, a story from Sister Pinegree was retold. While her husband was a mission president there were two Relief Society sisters in Nigeria, I think, that walked eighteen miles to renew their Temple recommends even though they never planned to use them since the nearest temple was in South Africa and they could not afford to go. I couldn't help but ask myself if I would do the same. Or would I walk over a thousand miles to a new home to be obedient to the Lord's call. I sure hope I would. Perhaps my two miles today is a start so that I can walk any distance the Lord would require of me. It is amazing the cognitive exercise that can be influenced by an old fashion Sunday stroll.

What type of blood is needed for the job?

Sometimes at school we are asked to give up our plan period to fill in for a teacher that is going to be absent. Last week I was asked to sub in our Ag Science class. Since I know absolutely nothing on the subject, the teacher had the students research two Ag jobs on the Internet. The students were to answer four questions, like income and required education. I decided to spice up the class so I told students there were five questions and one of them was to find "what blood type was required for the job." Not one student questioned me on that. Instead, they all looked for the answer. After a few minutes hands started to go up and students started telling me they looked everywhere but they could not find out what blood type was needed for the job. Needless, to say I didn't mind subbing so much that day.

Just a scratch on my arm

On Tuesday, there was an assembly for all sophomores. Since I am the health teacher, I was put in charge of setting up the date for Weld County's PARTY program to come and speak to students about safe driving. So, I also got to participate in the assembly. "Party" is an acronym but I don't remember what it stands for. The program had two survivors from car wrecks speak along with a sheriff, dispatcher, and trauma nurse. They also had booth set up for kids to feel what it is like to be put on a body board, or to learn what happens when you are a trauma patient. They also had the popular "drunk goggles" and had kids do easy things like walk a line, pick up their keys and play catch. It was quite comical. I tried walking the line and picking up my keys and just like the kids I was unsuccessful with the drunk goggles. Anyway, I had a girl come into my classroom yesterday and tell me that this program really made her think about things like always putting on her seat belt. Great, right? Then she said to me, "But if I am ever in a bad car wreck, I don't want anything bad to happen. I only want like a little scratch...maybe on my arm. That would be all I want. I don't want anything else." I don't think she quite understands that you can't pre-order your injuries in a car accident.

This is for all the single fellas

I was recently "tagged" from a photo that a friend had posted. I was a bit surprise to find the following:

"For those not familiar with my friends from my single years and were curious enough to check these photos out, this is Holly Leonard.

If any of you single men out there have gotten your attention set on this great gal, she is single.

Holly lives in northern Colorado and loves the outsides and playing sports. She is also a school teacher and a coach.

Keep in mind that if you're not Mormon, you will have to get baptized in order to ever have a future with this great gal."

Now, you have to understand that the friend that posted this has the most sincere heart and I think he did this out of genuine concern for my marital status or lack thereof. I just thought it was a funny surprise. Well, now I guess I can say I have somewhat of a dating profile posted online. I'll let you know if I get any dates from this.

Geography Whiz

Well, once again I have another funny story involving a student. Imagine that. So, the senior that comes into my Freshmen Geography class sometimes had some major insight today. I am having my students memorize all the countries on the African continent. One of the students remarked that there were a lot of countries. To which the well-educated senior said, "Well, the United States has a lot of countries too."

Steamboat Springs

My friend, Bill, and his wife, Layla, came up from AZ for the weekend to try Colorado skiing. Bill and I both taught 7th grade at Oakwood. I took them to Steamboat Springs since my parents have a time-share there. We really couldn't of asked for a better weekend. The sun was out, the snow was great, and the lifts were fairly empty. We skied through lunch but by the time 3:00 pm rolled around we were pretty tired. We also really enjoyed the outdoor hot tub afterwards.

This us at the highest peak. I think it is 11,000 ft. I am the White Ninja on the left.

Christmas

This Christmas, I dedicated most of my card space on my camera to taking pictures of my niece and nephews. It's not that I don't love the other members of my family, but I went for the cutest members.

Adam, aka Ben 10, shows off his muscles

Yea, its Christmas tomorrow!

Greta and Matt are all bundled up to brave the Wyoming cold

Adam and Matt

Grandma got Evan and Greta new PJ's for Christmas Eve. Their bottoms say "Ho, Ho, Ho" and "Santa's Little Helper"

Greta sings along with us during "Hark the Herald Angels sing"

One of the Shepperds makes his way down into Bethlehem

"Spider-Mathew, Spider-Mathew..."

Greta and Evan get their first Kitchen Aid

I took Geometry

I am not sure why, but a one of our seniors comes into my classroom during her open block. I was about to go over something with students when she volunteered to do it. As she was reading the answers, she pronounced one incorrectly for fun. The students quickly told her she was wrong. She then replied, "I know, I took geometry." It was a geography class.

Mary, Jesus, and Moses

My friend took her son and his girlfriend around to look at Christmas lights after a basketball game. As they were coming around a corner there was a nativity at one home. The girlfriend said, "Oh, look there's Mary, Jesus, and Moses."

Once again I am entertained by the adolescent mind.

Destin Dale Towse March 28,1992-December 24,2008

Thanks to everyone who said a prayer for Destin. On December 24 at 11 am he was declared brain dead and then he was declared dead at 2:45 pm that same day. During the 6 days he was in a coma he did squeeze his mom's hand but other than that there was no response from him. The funeral was held on Dec. 31 at the High School. It was very nice and there was a sense of peace. He was a really great young man. He always did his best and was willing to try new things. It was nice to hear all the wonderful memories that he had made with others and the affect that he had on many of our students. One thing that was said by a student was to "make the most of everyday, that is what Destin would do." And it is true, he made the most of life. I really enjoyed being his teacher and track coach. Because of his desire to be an organ donor, Destin was able to help seven other people. If you would like to read his obituary click on the following link: Destin